just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
