she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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