So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
