she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
