I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
