Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
