Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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