where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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