my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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