Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A+ Viking dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize