she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
