I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
