The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
