im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
