So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
