I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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