ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
