so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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