my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
