hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
