did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
