my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
