Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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