I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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