just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
