sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
