You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
