oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
