Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
