A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
