guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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