quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
