wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
