in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
