where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
