It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The Olympian is in my bed
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
