Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
