I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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