You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
