did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i've created a new STD.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
