i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
