mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
