When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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