is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
