totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
