from now on my penis is your penis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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