i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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