oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sobbing to NWA
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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