how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
