meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
