Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
