i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
