I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize