i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
