i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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