The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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