What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
