hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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