I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
