Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
