the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
