I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
