how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
