The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
