Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
