I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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