As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
