Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
