no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
