I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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