i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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