Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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