Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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