stop calling my apartment porn island.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
